What Secure Attachment Looks Like and How To Build It Through Couples Counselling
When you imagine the perfect, happy, thriving relationship that you might see on social media or in the movies - what comes to mind?
Maybe it's a couple that can work through a disagreement without giving the silent treatment. Or couples who reach out to each other instead of pulling away in times of crisis or when you need them most. You might be wondering what these examples have in common?
Secure Attachment
Secure attachment isn’t about achieving perfection, it's not like the movies at all, instead it's about being emotionally available, responsive, and consistent. Secure attachment is not something you get lucky and have or don’t. It’s something that you can build in your relationship. Let’s explore how that looks in everyday life and how we at Healing Voices Psychotherapy can get you there.
Traits of Securely Attached Couples
Securely attached couples still go through their fair share of conflict, but it's how they respond to and navigate it that sets them apart. These traits listed below are most often found in securely attached couples. It helps them feel safe, seen and secure, even when life throws you curveballs.
Trust: The ability to believe in each other, understanding your intentions and feeling safe being emotionally vulnerable.
Responsiveness: The ability to listen to your partner's needs, empathize with them and respond with care.
Flexibility: Adapting to big life changes as a unit instead of pushing away, closing off, or being reactive.
Hallmark of Secure Attachment
A common belief/myth we hear is that if you rely too much on your partner for emotional support, you’re being needy. This fear is where a lot of couples go wrong. There is a stark difference between emotional dependence and interdependence.
Emotional dependence means expecting your partners to meet all your needs and validate you all the time without boundaries. Interdependence seen in securely attached couples means mutual support. You and your partner can lean on each other when needed without losing your individual sense of identity.
How Attachment-Focused Couples Therapy Supports Secure Attachment
Attachment based couples therapy can be extremely beneficial in creating a safe space to explore patterns in the relationships, like negative cycles of communication or defaulting to attachment dynamics that can leave your partner feeling isolated or overwhelmed. These patterns can get in the way of progress and by getting to the cause working through them you can find new ways to relate.
How do our therapists help your relationship?
Recognizing and breaking down negative communication cycles
Identifying triggers and traumas at the root
Expressing each other's emotional needs in a safe environment
Rebuilding trust through empathy and vulnerability
Creating tools to help regulate emotions
With time, effort and the help of our couples therapists, we can rewire how you show up for each other. Leading to a more secure and loving bond.
Let’s Build Secure Love Together
Secure attachment is not like social media or the movies at all. It's something you must create, nurture and grow with your partner. It takes time but you don’t have to go through this alone.
Have recent conflicts begun testing the relationship? Maybe you’ve been struggling for a while or just want to deepen your relationship. Couples therapy can help you rebuild a strong foundation for a resilient future. At Healing Voices Psychotherapy, our certified Psychotherapists have the tools to help gain the traits to build a secure attachment trust.
Let's take the next step together, book a complimentary 15-minute consultation today.
