Should We Be in Couples Therapy?

Some people think that couples therapy is a last resort to getting their relationships back on the right track. Others believe that the therapist is either going to tell them to separate or pick one person’s side.  These ideas are not true. The truth is that participating in couples therapy can be  a vital tool for the health of your relationship by giving you tools  that you can use to make your relationship last, but it is often an under-utilized resource.

When Should We Go To Couples Therapy?

I’m often asked about the signs that couples therapy would be helpful.  I’d recommend going to couples therapy if:

• You seem to have the same arguments over and over again, with no resolution

• You experience a difficult major life transition or conflict, such as infidelity or trauma

• You feel discontent with the relationship as it is and would very like to see improvements

• You are feeling increasingly distant from your partner

• You feel like you are not getting what you need or desire from your partner or relationship (e.g. time together, affection, emotional intimacy, sex, fun, help at home).

Couples Therapy Helps With A Wide Range Of Challenges

Couples therapy can help you with specific challenges like communication, emotional intimacy, infidelity, working through life transitions together, working through trauma, affairs, parenting, loss, developing more effective patterns of relating, deciding whether to stay in the relationship, and even help you dissolve a relationship safely for your children.

Couples therapy uses evidence-based strategies, therefore, there are very few couples that would not benefit from participating in couples therapy.

  Over the years people tend to fall into routines in their relationships, get busy, and forget that they need to spend time investing in and connecting with their partner. This rarely starts from not wanting to be in the relationship.

  If you’re starting to feel like you don’t know who your partner is any more, that you’re fighting more than usual or if you’ve just had a major life transition in your lives together;  then couples therapy can be a great tool to get you back on track.  You don’t need to wait until you’re uncertain about the relationship to come to therapy. Early intervention or just a “tune up” is a great way to approach couples therapy.

Couples Therapy Helps Busy Couples Connect

You can come to couples therapy because you have a really hard time finding time to talk to your partner.  You may find that between work, errands, parenting and kids, and balancing family life you have a hard time fitting in time to connect with your partner and foster emotional intimacy.  Taking the time to come to therapy and have that dedicated time to talk to one another without the outside noise is very helpful in maintaining the relationship.

Couples Therapy Can Help When There Is A History Of Trauma

You can come to couples therapy because you or your partner has a history of trauma which is getting in the way of having the relationship that you desire.  In couples therapy,  you can learn skills to help you manage your personal histories as well as how your own trauma survival patterns have been affecting you personally and your relationship.

Couples Therapy Uses Evidence-Based Approaches

Your couples therapist will use researched approaches to teach you techniques like narrative therapy strategies which sees your problems as separate from you as a couple. Through externalizing the problem to something that sits outside the couple, it allows the couple freedom from blame, allowing  each partner the opportunity to apply problem-solving skills and team work to resolve the problem. 

The Internal Family Systems therapy approach has the objective of helping the couple develop a strongly satisfying relationship by exploring the connections between their many parts and two spacious selves of the partners. It promotes the idea of allowing your partner to become a very important, but not the primary, source of love in your life.

Attachment-based therapy provides a framework for your therapist to unravel the drama of distress in your relationship.  Using this lens, your therapist can guide you through important moments in your relationship interactions, explain why they are important in helping you understand the dynamics of your patterns and trauma, and helps your therapist uncover your deepest needs and desires in your relationship thereby creating new patterns of interaction, communication, conflict resolution and problem-solving.

A Trauma Therapist Is A Good Listener

Your couples therapist is here to listen, support, teach, and challenge you to step out of your routines and try new, effective techniques to strengthen your coping and make your relationship more fulfilling! We can help you develop skills in couples counselling that support your connection, and help you take the first steps towards a relationship that thrives. For more information, contact us or schedule a free consultation.